Does the amateur in us magically disappear when we turn pro? Of course not, but we do operate from a higher level of awareness – we are now aware of when we are behaving as an amateur and out of fear than we were. We realise we have a choice, we can ask, “What would the pro in me do now? What would love do now rather than my fear?”
What has been the consequence of turning pro for me?
There have been upsides and the downsides.
Lets start with the downside: I have failed many times, but I have stayed in the game. There have been times when nothing seemed to work, but I stayed in the game. There were times when almost no-one was buying what I was doing and I nearly went broke, but I stayed in the game. I have failed spectacularly at times and felt so stupid and ashamed, and I have stayed in the game. I have been willing to undergo spiritual cleansing, which has meant facing fear after fear, sense of limitation after limitation, and facing so much guilt within me that I didn’t even know I had. I have faced feeling so vulnerable and going through the spiritual fire over and over again. I have felt utterly lost and confused and thinking I am crazy and just fooling myself, and I have doubted my sanity at times. I have faced dying and being reborn over and again. Going to the depths of my buried unconscious beliefs and feeling despair and desperation at times, and just wanting to give up and die more than once. I have felt constantly challenged by the dissonance between how the world views me and how I view myself.
So what could be the upside of turning pro that would make all this worthwhile?
Life has become a true and continually unfolding adventure. I have become so much more of the man I sensed in my heart that I was born to be and could be. I have awakened and discovered many gifts and capabilities that had previously lain dormant in me. A door to inspiration opened within me that door hasn’t closed. I have written nine books so far whose messages have resonated with tens of thousands of people. I have discovered a capacity for speaking that has got me invited around the world. I have coached and mentored amazing people and made incredible friends. So many wonderful opportunities and experiences have come my way. I have expressed myself more fully than I dreamed I could. A lot of the time, I have even made some great money. But what makes it all meaningful is quite simple: the amount of love in my life. The love I feel for myself and for others, the amount of love that comes to me and that I am now able to receive. The amount of forgiveness I have experienced, from others, towards others and towards myself. I feel so much freer to me myself now. I truly feel that I am freer to be who I was born to be and that I am doing what I am on earth to do.
Becoming more of a loving, inspiring and mature man has made it all worthwhile.
One of the core gifts that your hero’s journey gives you is a story that is uniquely yours, or series of stories, a history tattooed in our innermost souls. I now have a story. I have alchemised many of my experiences into a new maturity and a quality of energy as result of what I have experienced along the way. I become someone who has faced significant demons and triumphed. It is miraculous. I have changed. Changing the way I have related to my fear has changed everything in my life.
Whilst I have been a pro now for twenty-five years but the amateur in me is still alive and well and is continually finding new ways to show up and de-rail me. But gladly, the pro in me has his hands on the steering wheel more days than the amateur does. Today, I still have many fears but I dwell in greater possibility for myself than I have felt in my life. But I doubt that I would have been able to get here without having A Course in Miracles as my spiritual companion. It has held a vision of truth about who I am and who we are and the purpose of this world when at times when I felt insane. I will write about that in a future post.
From now on, I will be digging in to and sharing particular aspects of being a pro in these future blog posts. Think of them as universal “Pro principles” we can all embody.