I have been sharing with you recently my own journey, of having a hernia operation three weeks ago, the fear and vulnerability I felt about having surgery, and now that I am recovering, I feel a new project in the birth canal, and part of me is very scared to give birth.
What I am aware of right now is so often when I am at a significant threshold, as I feel I am now, how there are parts of me that are very unwilling to move forward. I recognise it is my own fear, my own lack and faith and trust in myself and in Life that is the biggest problem. I feel like
I am being beckoned to move forward and I am refusing to step up. It would be easy for me to blame circumstances and people in my life. I can often feel it is something out side of me that is unwilling. What I have needed to own and acknowledge now is that the biggest unwillingness is actually within me.
My belief is that Life wants us to evolve and unwrap more of ourselves, our gifts and abilities, but it we often we who are unwilling. Paradoxically, we are afraid of how good things can get, how successful we could be. We don’t feel worthy or confident. We feel we can’t handle things.
A pivotal quote that I came across around 20 years ago was from the clergyman Philip Brooks and it became a pivotal thought in opening my mind to another way of thinking about prayer, and another way of looking at our relationship with a higher power. He wrote, “Prayer is not the overcoming of God’s reluctance, but the taking hold of God’s willingness.”
I am currently working with letting go of my own unwillingness to being more open, my fears of letting go of the past, and confidence to move into more flow, to less controlling and more confident.
Does any of this ring a bell with you?
I would love to hear how you recognise your own unwillingess to change