Mum, Me, White Lies and Tea : Book


Ten lessons from my journey into the heart of dementia

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Ten lessons from my journey into the heart of dementia

Every three seconds, someone is diagnosed with dementia, a brain disease that results in memory loss, thinking difficulties and movement problems. I have been on this journey with my mum who has had dementia for the last six years, and it has been one of the most heart-breaking and heart-opening experiences of my life. It’s like finding yourself in new and unexpected territory, usually without a map. This short book chronicles some of the key moments – the challenges, joy, pain and humour – and the new skills I’ve needed to develop over this period.

This is a story of living with grieving in real time, of losing and letting go of someone we love while they are physically still here. Based on my personal understanding, I hope it will help others on this journey to navigate their way a little more easily, by casting some light on handling the practicalities and their feelings along the way.

This is Nick Williams eighteenth book, and his most personal so far. In it he chronicles the journey accompanying his mum as her dementia gets worse, and the challenges he has experienced, as well as the gifts he has gleaned, from this on-going journey. He is not writing from a place of authority, and makes no claim to be an expert on dementia. He simply writes from the fruits of his own experience.



Early reader feedback:

‘Wow! It’s taken me three attempts to finish this as I found it so moving; I’ve been holding back tears each time.’

‘Your encouragement to us as carers to look after ourselves too is crucial advice.’

‘You highlight several key dilemmas we all face with a loved one with dementia: telling the truth or white lies to manage the condition, and the loss of shared memories in the family.’

‘I have just read the whole book and found it very powerful, moving and insightful. Particularly as today as I’m having a difficult day with Mum who is confused and defensive, and I am struggling to find the right approach.’

‘I found your journey painfully honest and because of that very helpful.’

‘You shine a light on the family dynamics that can surface when a loved one has dementia.’

‘You’re so authentic and real, speaking candidly from your heart.’

‘Some extremely useful suggestions. The information in your book really resonated.’

‘Lots of useful ideas, logically presented. I like the road bumps terminology and advice on how best to approach difficult times.’

‘Much of what you have written about extends to many other mental illnesses and those who care for loved ones in altered states. It will not only help others make sense of their own individual journeys, it will soothe them like a beautifully fragrant balm, as it did me while I read it.’

‘Thank you for writing this: it has given me much insight into my journey with my sister and her mental illness, and allowed me to let go of a lot of the guilt that I felt at the time and then held on to, as the one who had to manage it, as well as manage my parents through it all.’

‘I found myself drawn into your shared journey with your mum’s dementia, as you have so beautifully woven rich, universal growth lessons with your personal stories that the reader can’t help but connect and be there right with you. At least I know I certainly was.’

‘Your book kept my attention the entire way through.’

‘As someone who has been on the same journey as you, I laughed and teared up at your stories and your emotional pain, and felt the empowerment and strength of your healing suggestions and guidance.’

‘Every detail of your journey together – the heartbreak of her going to the home against her wishes; accepting the new “her”; navigating the emotional ups and downs of that incredible rollercoaster ride – you describe so well the ever-changing landscape of your mom’s perspective, your perspective, and how to grow and love from it all. How many people will benefit so much from your book I can’t even imagine; I get goosebumps!’

‘I especially appreciated the gifts you offered in Part 2.’

‘Speaking as one of your readers dealing with a loved one with dementia, your book is so rich in detail about your emotional journey, how you healed and what gifts you took moving forward.’

‘I have read your book twice so far from cover to cover, and several times I have zoomed to particular sections.’

‘You have masterfully shared your journey, wisdom and guidance on all those emotional triggers.’

‘Your book is my reference manual that I refer to when I need to move through emotional pain and grow into a healing place from it. Thanks again for writing this.’


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